In A Different Closet

You'd think that, because I'm attracted to men, I'd have an easy time coming out of the closet to gay men. It's not that easy.

You see, bisexual men seem to be screwed at both ends (insert rimshot here). Women are kind of freaked out by the whole thing, but gay men are, too. They call us breeders. They're baffled by the thought of us hooking up with a woman. They're confused by the concept of liking both men and women. They think we're just greedy, because we can't get enough sex out of men (when, in fact, the opposite is more likely the case).

A couple weeks ago, I was at a gay bar when my friend bartends. I've been coming to his bar for two years, and we talk nearly weekly. He introduced me to a bunch of his friends. "This is Kevin," he said. "He's my favorite gay sports expert."

I almost opened my mouth to correct him, "bi sports fan." But I stopped myself and suddenly realized something: my bartending friend thinks I'm gay. Of course he does, I've been a regular at a gay bar for two years. What is he supposed to think?

So I stay in the bisexual closet. "Coming out" as a bi male to another male involves a whole extra group of unanswerable questions: "how do you know you're bi? Why are you here and not out at a straight bar?" Or, on rate occasions, "do you want to have a threesome with my girlfriend?"

Okay, maybe the last one is answerable.